Sunshine Diary #4: His POV
She wanted nothing more from me than my presence and the anonymity that this blackhole offers.
“God I miss you. I’ve been away a lot, but this is the first time you’re the one who isn’t available to write me back. I’ve certainly taken it for granted. I started writing this week and realized that you are starting to fill more than just 20% of my life, as you like to say, 80/20. I’ll admit that when this all started I wanted you because you were smart, sexy, and I thought you’d make me feel something. It’s so much more now.
The other day I realized that I wake up every morning 3 hours before you do because of our time difference, and I sit at my desk sipping on a cup of coffee for an hour planning what we’ll talk about for the day. Sometimes I will re-read your letters from previous days. When you’re around you consume me, and when you’re not, I can’t wait until the next time you’ll be back. This isn’t what I wanted when we first started. I was nervous to tell you about it today, but I wanted to share the little bit of joy that you bring into my life with you. I can’t wait until you’re back home, so we can be together again and go back to normal.”
Sending this letter is stupid, but I’m going to do it anyway. I started this because I was sick of doing what was expected of me and not what I wanted. Telling her is what I want.
8 months earlier
I am NOT a good guy.