Sunshine Diary #1: Tu Rayito del Sol
A poem on the state of purgatory we are left in when a connection burns too bright, too fast.
Long before the ‘Nook’ was a physical dream, it was a mental refuge. We all have those chapters in our lives that we keep tucked away - the stories of people who arrived like a wildfire and left the land forever changed. This is the first entry of my Sunshine Diary, a peek into a time of high stakes, hard choices, and the angsty, bittersweet cost of forgetting your role in someone else’s script.
You came into my life. Arrogant, demanding, selfish. But also caring and gentle. I fell for your voice long before ever meeting your eyes. That soothing baritone. You knew how to get what you wanted and took it. Does it really count as taking if I gave it to you willingly?
You wanted to capture my attention. Be admired. To feel full and alive. You needed, Demanded my devotion. Me? Your pretty girl. Precocious. Your doll, slightly damaged but yours to possess. To help and fix. Your princess to dote on. Here to give you purpose. You were my missing puzzle piece. Did I ever tell you that? Giving you my love was easy. But the sands of time are cruel. Heavy. Unforgiving. Months passed. Our desire grew. Our feelings flourished. Souls intertwined. Imprinting, Like two young lovers. You never expected me in your heart. So complete. Consuming. Full of highs and lows. Every moment rewarding. But quickly happiness turned to fear. Doubt and insecurity took root. Pushing and pulling. Hard to let go when we weren't ready. But you fought hard until the last thread was cut. Somber. Tears. Loneliness. Your struggle, What you want and what’s right. But what is right anyway? You made your choice. You stayed. You have your reasons to let go a part of you. You once told me time was the most precious thing for you. Is it worth letting it pass you by when you’re only half alive? For money? Fear of judgment? Losing your safety net? Or is it worth taking a risk? Walking away. Starting over. Investing your time in someone that makes your stomach flutter and chest swell. It’s worth the risk. I was worth it.
You made the wrong choice. Now we are both destined to purgatory. Wandering wistfully. Dreaming of the other while pretending not to. Hoping the fate that was once foretold comes true. Two flames burning bright and fast. Collide. Together consuming the fears of the other. Separate they both exist but never live. Always here. And nowhere. Waiting. Tu rayito de sol.
XX
Next month on Sunshine Diaries →
“I am NOT the hero of this story. In fact, if my mother knew the path I was walking, she’d be filled with a familiar disdain. But some beds are made to be lied in, no matter how cold they get.”